I know I've been super inactive for hmm... about over a year.. BUT
I'm here, and hopefully I won't disappear again!
As you can probably tell, I've been in an art rut for a very long time. But not just an art rut..an entire existential crisis. And because of this, I've made a whole lot of embarrassing forum threads.
please don't try to unearth them lmao. -and I've also gone through long periods of inactivity and have been making a lot of very uuuglyyy artwork. However, please be lenient with me!
I feel like I've hit a mid-life crisis and I'm not even in my 20s yet :l. Between now and since I stopped being completely indulged in my own weeaboo OC fetish shit art, a whole lot has happened to me that's changed me as a person. I am completely different now than I was just a few months ago, let alone a year ago. I went from 170lbs to 130lbs within a few weeks, then back to 160lbs after months of solid starvation. I've continued to go through severe depressive stages (I'm assuming I'm manic depressed but have not been officially diagnosed), which have increasingly gotten worse as of late due to new medicines that were forced upon me. I've started having panic attacks and hyperventilating....which I'm not trying to get attention from. In fact, they have been causing a whole lot of social problems for me. I've been struggling with myself, my appearance, and my identity for the past several years and I didn't know where to turn.
But I've realized something.
After finally talking to someone with the same problems as me, the first person who has been able to exactly describe the feelings I have been having through their own experience, they have taught me something very important. For so long I've been struggling to overcome my feelings and to be a normal person, and because of that, my feelings have just been getting worse and more horrific. But what that person said to me was, "There is no cure to having anxiety and being depressed. You're going to have okay days, and you're going to have really, really horrible days. You're always going to cry just as you do now. But that's a part of you that you just have to learn to accept and live with." Which.. that doesn't seem like a huge, revolutionary idea, but it made me realize that who I am and how I'm feeling is okay.
I'm almost completely sure nobody will read this post. In fact, a lot of you who have watched and accompanied me though the old times don't even use dA anymore. -But I'm posting this for myself as an opening to a new life. Though I won't change anything by simply making this post, it will still be the beginning of my resurrection in the art world. Hopefully I will see you all again soon.