I've been bullied at school a lot, but it's stopped since I've made a lot of friends. I need my friends to help me control bullies, so I try to talk to them and hang out with them as much as I can. But then there's my boyfriend who is homeschooled, and he only has two friends and I hate them. They're a bad influence on him, they put him in bad situations, and they just get in the way of our time together.
We both always argue about each other's friends and when I wanted him to choose me over his friend, he almost broke up with me and said I was being annoying. I know its not fair for me to have friends and to force him to only have me, but i have a low self esteem and I'm easily depressed and when he chooses other things over me, I freak out. This is the longest relationship I've been in and I'm just expecting him to give up on me like everybody else did. Im a debby downer and I'm always pissed off or something unless we're together so I can see why he'd fall out of love with me. I have a bad home life, I'm bullied at school, plus I have that anxiety and depression stuff so there's a lot going on that just gives me a bad personality.
I want to show him I love and appreciate him but I don't know how to. I tell him I love him so much and I always try to be sweet to him but after a while, words don't mean anything anymore. And he's the same way with me. Both of us have only dated cheaters and liars so words are just words now. I can't give him gifts, he already had everything he wants, and I don't have money. I want to love I'm by giving him the space and freedom he wants but that just makes me feel worse cause I feel unloved and we'll end up fighting Over everything he does.
I've tried telling Him my feelings but he thinks I'm trying to make him feel bad for me and stuff. I've told him about my anxiety and depression and my low self esteem. I told him that I always wonder why he likes me and it hurts his feelings that I say stuff like that. It doesn't work anymore and he said that all of my negativity pushes him away, and I know it does, but that's really how I feel. I don't know what to do anymore and neither does he.